nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize