They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Green mimosas i think yes
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
