I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I have aggressive nipples.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
