Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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