what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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