sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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