I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
