doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
