Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
