Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize