So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
