fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
