nut hugger
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
