im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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