at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
