DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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