We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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