You made me cry and you don't even care
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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