That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
