Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
