How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
