I want to make a zoo with you.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
