you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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