ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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