Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
