Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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