Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
