btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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