I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
should my penis look like a turkey
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
