So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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