I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
