Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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