I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
