at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
