she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
