friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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