He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
