I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
