as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
