Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
