cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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