Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
