So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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