FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
