if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
