Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
