i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Randomize
