I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
