During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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