lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
