You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
