maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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