why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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