We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
