Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
