so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She's like a pop up book from hell.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
