Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
