Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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