MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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