the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
