So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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