I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
