i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
