My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
