I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
