I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
