I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
