How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
