She's JV to your varsity
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
